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I Need Help

Discussion in 'Social' started by juggernauts, 11 Oct 2016.

  1. juggernauts

    juggernauts マゾー先輩 Donor Forum Regular

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    Well, it the same as what the title says, I need help. Help for what? Well, this has been going on for a while now, as in, since I could remember.
    Right now, what's going on is that my family, isn't very family like now, I'm pretty sure it hasn't been for a very long time.
    My sister and father fight a lot, often throwing vulgarities at each, sometime containing and ending with my father being suicidal for a while and my sister hiding in our room in tears. He also fights with my mother ever so occasionally, and sometimes will end up throwing curses at each other.
    My sister calls me CB( whole word) every time I try to wake her up in the morning so she isn't late for school and often tells me to F off. Sometimes I do call her something but usually for laughs. She also gets into fights with my mother, because she wants to hang out with her friends but not allowed to and once my mother cried from an argument. She also forged my mothers signature once. Though there are times where she's nice.
    My father will always complain or just get incredibly mad by small things, like a grain of rice on the floor. He also is incredibly judgemental and hypocritical, always trying to find faults with my sister just so that he can scream at her, resulting in the first point I stated.
    My mother is probably the nicest one in my family but compared with every other mother I've seen or met, is nowhere near nice.
    Both my father and my mother are close to completely unable to motivate me or inspire me to do better. The last time I told them about it, they said "then what else am I supposed to say?" And if I tell them that their remark was condescending (because it is) they'll always say "how was that condescending?" Other than that they also expect my sister and I to follow their methods. If while they're explaining how they do it and if I try to get out they'll most of the time say "Fine, do it your way since you're SOOOOOO smart" Always misunderstanding ending up with me guilted into following their method even when I know what's the better way. Though I can't really blame them since they've gone through professional classes for some of those things.
    As a result of all this, I always end up following what they do for the fear of being scolded so I end up quite obedient I guess. I also get extremely scared when someone raises their voices, by someone I mean anyone.
    They also for some reason come to me as a person to talk to, my mother would talk to me about my sister and for me make her less depressed also asking about what my sister was doing the past few days like where she went. My father would also for info on my sister (what am I, a spy?). My sister would come complaining about how the entire family sucks. (wait, I'm also a counsellor?)
    My entire family would also just get mad at me for making small mistakes or making the place dirty, sometimes never praising me for the nice things I would do for them.

    Thinking about all this, I feel like a pencil, used only when required, used as a stress reliever, thrown somewhere to do nothing when not used. Looking at the type of person I am, should I be proud that I'm able to handle all this and still treat everyone nicely or feel sorry for myself?

    Telling my family about this wouldn't do anything, I had told my sister and the second time I brought it up, "I'm trying to change!" But to me, there was absolutely no difference, I hadn't seen any signs of attempt either. She also called inability to wake up in the morning a 'disability' all of us here know goddamn well that not waking up in the morning is laziness, not a disorder.

    There ARE golden moments in the family which I treasure a lot though.

    TL;DR

    I'm not going to ask for advice for how to handle this, this IS my problem after all although if you want, I'd appreciate it.

    *sigh* at the end of the day, I'm just being an attention whore aren't I, probably writing all this just to get sympathy from you all.
    Sorry for wasting your time, you can just disregard this entire post, I did it mainly as for some reason telling someone or just getting it out there about our problems helps us feel better.
     
    Last edited: 11 Oct 2016
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  2. Blehrtron derp

    Blehrtron derp Poster - A3

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    Its ok if you are going through some tough times try to talk with your friends and school don''t just hide it.Sometimes family problems are really bad so just find someone to talk maybe to your teacher or your school counseller.But from that I wish that you have a good time and try to find someone to explain it with.
     
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  3. DumbAlert

    DumbAlert Poster - A3

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    maybe you should spend some quality time with them, that would most likely help.
     
  4. juggernauts

    juggernauts マゾー先輩 Donor Forum Regular

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    Those are the "golden moments" I mentioned
     
  5. GoodLuckCharlie

    GoodLuckCharlie Forum Regular

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    I also have rocky family relations. Sometimes, everyone in my family just hates each other so much, we don't even talk. But other times, we have very good memories together. I think all of my family members are just so different. When we fight, we just can't see our faults and always blame the other person.

    In your family, you seem like the "moderator". Usually, one of the parents take up this role, but you're must be quite an understanding person to not explode at everyone around you. Man, I wish I could be more like you. By the time I got into high school an year ago, my family's rocky relationship finally got to me. I started having random anger outbursts at other people for minor things.

    It does seem like your family is doing a bit worse than mine, though. It's alright, you're doing a very good job of dealing with it. I have two solutions for you:

    1. Explain your situation to your other family members, and hold out until they understand. This is what I'll do sometimes, and my parents say I'm stubborn and rude. If it's a situation in which I know I'm being treated unfairly, I will be persistent until they understand.

    2. Don't interact too much with your family. Do your work, your studies, and hang out with your friends. That way, your family won't have anything on you and you won't have to fight with them. I understand that watching your family members fight together is painful, but at least you don't participate in the fight this way.
     
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  6. juggernauts

    juggernauts マゾー先輩 Donor Forum Regular

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    "Quite understanding person to not explode" huh, I wouldn't really consider myself as that understanding (or am I? I'm quite oblivious) I don't explode because that'a the cause of these fights in the family. Once it starts, it gets quite hard to control and just makes things worse. After a few months you'll get used to it. Try not getting hurt by words of people in school (if it's like that anyway) Eventually, you'll be able to control quite easily. For those random anger outbursts? Control. Don't take it out on people, try taking it out on inanimate objects (punch your bed or take your pillow and throw it around)
    In response to point no.1
    I'm way to scared to do that. At this point, I'm way to scared to try and make them change their ways, attempting to do so with people as short fused as my parents. I'll just wait till I can leave my house.
    In response to point no.2
    The irony is, I have to interact with my parents. Otherwise, they'd take it and use it against me or my sister by saying that we hate them. That'd be true but, "hate" is too strong. Thanks to my parents, words carry the weight of their meaning (if that makes sense) So I end up having to force happiness.

    After thinking for a bit, I kind of feel bad. I just focused on all of the bad points without thinking of anything good that had happened. Damn you human nature.

    My parents are so extreme, they can be extremely happy and suddenly insanely furious the next second
     
  7. DumbAlert

    DumbAlert Poster - A3

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    k
     
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  8. BSFirefighter

    BSFirefighter The American Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Before I go on, let me note that there are 2 sleep disorders that could cause this, ASPS (Advanced Sleep Phase Syndrome), this is when people go to bed between 6 and 9 P.M., and DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome), when people go to bed between 1 and 4 A.M., these can be inherited and can cause issues with your biological clock that causes you to wake up later than what would be normal. but onto the family issues.

    What I think you should do is try your best to get your family to sit down at a table some night and try to work things out, it may make a difference and change the relationships for the better (slightly or drastically, it's still changing), and keep trying until the issues are resolved, if that doesn't work, try a certified counselor. now for the emotional parts of your family:

    For your father: As you stated, he is/gets suicidal, if this problem continues and/or worsens, I'd suggest getting professional help, whether it be calling a Prevention Hotline or have him take counseling, something would have to be done to fix this issue.

    For your sister: Crying is a natural human emotion, but she has to learn that whenever a parent says no, that's seniority, and that it means no.

    TL;DR

    Try to make the best of your family no matter what it takes, they are the people that have supported you from the start, and will continue to support you until their last moments and yours, life is not meant to be full of arguments and fights, only occasionally. Family is supposed to be there for each-other, not against them.
     
  9. juggernauts

    juggernauts マゾー先輩 Donor Forum Regular

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    My Sister comes back from school and sleeps till around 4-6 pm and sleeps at 3am before having me wake her up at 6:30 am.
    Well then.

    Make the best? I already do that, I know that there are people who are even more worse off than me. Due to that, I'm almost a complete pacifist.
    It seems like I'm one of the few people who legitimately empathise for those who go through worse. That's nice, I guess.
     
  10. BSFirefighter

    BSFirefighter The American Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    It's good that you have empathy for other people, that's somewhat non-existent nowadays.